A (HALF-IMAGINARY) INTERVIEW WITH MY 7 MONTH OLD

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Q: Welcome to this interview. Just a while ago, you were crying so loud that we could only see your wailing face without being able to hear anything. Most likely, your screaming exceeded the audible limit of human ear which is around 20 kHz. Are you okay now?

A: Did you mean 2 kHz?

Q: No, I said 20.

A: What is 20? I have only 1…2…3…4….5 fingers!

Q: Well, if you consider both of your hands, then you have 10 fingers.

A: But one of my hands is always inside my mouth. Don’t you know, unlike other kids who chew only one or two fingers, I tend to put all the available fingers of one hand in my mouth? 

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Q: Never mind. Do you like the name your parents came up with for you?

A: Glad you brought up this topic. To be honest with you, I am still confused about what name you people decided for me. You call me by so many random names, without maintaining any consistency. You might think that’s cute, but I don’t particularly find it funny. 

Q: Noted, we will be more careful about it from now on. Let’s talk about a less serious topic. What is your favorite toy?

A: Any object that is easy to grip and small enough to put inside my mouth.

Q: What is your favorite food?

A: The shoulder of my dad’s shirt. Especially in the mornings when he is fully dressed, ready to head to office and decides to carry me for a minute or two, dad’s shirt tastes extra delicious then. My second favorite thing to eat is my own toes! Quote

Q: Being able to put your toes inside your mouth sounds quite acrobatic, but I am not sure if either of your examples fall under any food category! Anyway, are you enjoying growing up in Japan?

A: I am enjoying growing up in this beautiful world!

Q: Quite a political answer! Speaking of politics, what do you think about the current state of world politics?

A: It’s been only seven months since I came to this world but I already have heard enough political turmoil stories from the discussions between my mom and dad. I really hope the adults of this world will grow up before I grow up! The adults teach me I should not play with the things that I am not supposed to play with (e.g. my mom’s thesis draft printouts, electronic devices etc). Then I hear adults play with the things they are not supposed to play with – people’s sentiment, trust, money, lives etc. By the way, I am a bit sleepy now, it’s almost my nap-time (Yawning..)

Q: Do you have any message for the readers of this interview?

A: Yes. I often disagree with you grown up people. The random stuff I love to touch or chew, you guys pull away those things from me. That makes me angry and I cry. But a moment later I forget it. I can still love you even if I am angry with you. You can still love people even if you disagree with their opinion or ideology.

Q: Deep and insightful. Thank you very much for your time today! We really appreciate…..oops…

(The interviewee is in deep sleep)

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