I don’t remember the date, but still remember the day. The morning. I woke up (and as always) felt my life really needed some change. Not a new feeling. But that day, I really wanted to change, and I changed. At times, the solution for even the toughest problem in life is as simple as that.
I wanted to change so badly that I decided to try everything available to make the change happen. I made an appointment with the university counselor thinking that there might had been some issue with my psyche. I will always regret wasting one hour of my university life with that lady. She asked me thousands of questions. Are you involved with any extra-curricular activities? Yes, of course. I watch “LOST”. Her last question was, ‘So, can we schedule the next session same time, same day next week?’ I said ‘No thanks’ in the form of ‘Can I confirm that by email later?’
I headed to a lecture thinking I don’t need to go through a process ‘to change’. I can just change, now, instantly, spontaneously. I did. I decided to start not giving a damn about what other people thought about my actions. Enough damns had already been given until that point in my life.
I did not understand a thing in that lecture. Unlike my typical-self, I directly went to the girl who was asking some good questions to the professor (and looked like she understood the stuff). I just said hi and asked for help. She helped. I got A+ in that course. I actually got a 3.8 GPA in that semester. Don’t ask me what was my previous best. I doubled my part time working hours. While being busy with study, part-time and LOST (most importantly), I submitted a research paper in an international conference. It got accepted which was kind of a big deal (or at least medium sized deal). My supervisor somehow even managed to arrange me funding to go to South Korea to present the paper.
I got a new scholarship. Aside from some stumbles here and there, I started achieving some serious milestones. I got accepted for an internship at JAXA – Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, which will always be a highlight of my life.
Then, at some point, I started losing the charm, and then I lost it. I totally lost it. In the past couple of years, I have woken up many mornings with the raw urge to change myself again. Many mornings, I hoped today would be that day. But no, just not yet.
Lesson learned – I cannot force the change. The change has to come to me with it its own force. Let’s wait for the change, let’s wait for the force. It will come. It has to come.